Anxiety Attack and Outing Myself

high-blood-pressure-ginger-and-lemon

I had an interesting few days this week. On Monday, I felt like I was having a heart attack about 2 hours after coming to work. I had grown faint and felt shortness of breath, so I got one of my company’s first responders to sit with me in case help was needed. He called the EMS to come, and they showed up within 3 minutes. At the end of all this, they didn’t feel I needed an ER visit though they wouldn’t rule it out. I had elevated blood pressure already and then had an anxiety attack, so both of those things made the illusion for me of a heart attack. During this, I had to give them my medications, which is tricky because I don’t want my coworkers standing in the hall to know what I am taking, even if I wasn’t transitioning. Luckily, one of my friends at work, who I came out to before brought a post-it note to write it down on so I could hand to the EMS people. They didn’t even blink when I gave them the meds, just wrote it down and moved on. I am stressed about keeping my job when I transition and I am stressed about the changes occurring with my job and the 6 people I seem to answer to. They sent me home where I felt odd all day but at least I didn’t pass out. I am hyper-aware of my body this last month because of starting HRT. I am looking for any issues or changes good or bad. Two days later, I am feeling fine and don’t think the HRT had anything to do with my Monday episode.

AshevilleCity

On Tuesday I was back at work, feeling a bit tired but not bad. I went on my FB page to give a brief post about what had happened on Monday. Then I went into a two-hour planning meeting, leaving my phone on my desk. When I came back to my desk, I noticed I had 57 comments on my FB app. I don’t even think I have that many people friended on FB. So, I checked the app and I found out that I had just outed myself to an entire city by accidentally posting it in the Asheville Politics page. Now, Asheville, as a city, is pretty liberal and accepting of LGBTQ people, but there is a strong conservative/right wing streak in and especially around the city that honestly scares me. In a crowd of 100, it only takes the 1 person who decides you don’t belong there for you to have a really bad day. So, even though I noticed that the first post was positive and glad that the EMS hadn’t used who I was as a reason to not treat, etc. I deleted the post as fast as I could and removed myself from the page. I don’t really live in Asheville, I live well outside of it now and really have no need for being on the politics page for that city. Also, I was entirely embarrassed that I had written a personal post, with some specifics about my meds, onto a very public page. I know there were some heinous comments, there always are, but I am focused on the one good one I actually read, she made my day. I re-posted the FB post intended for my private page and moved on with my day. I’m still embarrassed that I made the mistake, but I’m ok that I’m out to the city of Asheville.

2 thoughts on “Anxiety Attack and Outing Myself

  1. Tanit

    Liz, I am laughing with you – not at you… 🙂 I know – not a laughing matter but what can you do? I would be mortified if that happened to me and would die of shame. Double check yourself with an exam from your personal physician if you have one. I think that too many care providers are quick to tell you that “It’s all in your head” and “you had an anxiety attack” when it is your body telling you something if you only heed it. I have experienced it myself. Take care.

    Hugs,

    Tanit

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No, I am definitely laughing too. I feel silly, but not shameful. I did indeed get checked out and it was determined that it was an anxiety attack brought on by stress. Work has been crazy and personnel issues have given me a lot to stress about. I appreciate your concern and kind words, thanks Tanit!

      Like

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