Of Friends and Family

I have spoken of my friends, those that know about me are accepting and really didn’t display any surprise at all. I don’t know if there were any issues after the initial shock, but they haven’t spoken to me about it. I think that it probably helps that most of them are out of state, so they don’t see me dressed how I usually dress at home. I think that my presenting as female, might cause them some issues, perhaps not, no idea. I am horrible at reading people.

My usual mode at home is t-shirt and jeans, which my friends have seen many times. Of course now I am able to wear the t-shirts and jeans I prefer, which is a mix. T-shirts are to me just t-shirts, some men’s and some women’s are more comfortable so I wear what I like, I prefer women’s jeans so I wear them. The clothes don’t change who I am, they can only make me feel more or less comfortable. I will always be a woman no matter what I am wearing. The funny thing is, it’s more problematic now that they know I’m transgender, as they perhaps expect me to be dressed in, well skirts and heels, both of which I like, but that is not my normal clothing. Normally at home I don’t put on a wig or breast prosthetics; those are to make others feel more comfortable. I don’t mow the yard wearing a hot wing and C cup false breasts that shift and get in the way. I would prefer my own hair if I could grow it out and have it look nice, I would prefer my own breasts but I’m not on HRT until I lose some weight. Like most women, both of those things make me feel more feminine and more acceptable among others, but not more personally comfortable. In the presence of my friends, I’m not sure how comfortable they would be. I do have a couple of friends who live in the area, but I don’t see them often. They have not seen me in my “girl mode” with wig, breasts and obviously female clothing. As I continue to transition, these things will be more obvious and I want my friends to remain my friends. I would prefer to not lose the very few and close friends I have. I don’t make friends easily and I invest a lot of my heart in these people. They are for all intents and purposes, my family.

Speaking of family, I have two brothers and my stepfather. They will be told last, mostly because I don’t want to burden them so close to our mother’s death, and because I think they will have the hardest time with it. Though, for my brothers, they could look back and see that the game of “truth or dare” was kind of a setup for me to wear our stepmother’s clothes as a “dare”. What can I say, she wore Cato’s and I actually liked some of the Cato’s clothing. Then there is my wife’s family, her mother and stepfather and two sisters. Her mother and father, they were told by her youngest sister who was told by our son when they were hanging out with mutual friends, alcohol was involved. So, my wife went on damage control, telling them that our son was just drunk, but I am pretty sure they didn’t buy that at all. So my first inclination is to tell them, despite the fact that they are conservative, Trump supporters. I think they will be ok, I hope they will. I believe that my wife has issues with them knowing only because her and the middle sister don’t get along and somehow this would be something that her sister could use against her. I think it’s still embarrassing for Michelle, on some level she deals with it, but not in a public way. I plan on telling everyone that is family and friends. My plans were thrown off because of my Mothers cancer and then death, not because of her but because of me. I already deal with depression linked to just being who I am, then dealing with my mom being gone. It hasn’t been easy; it’s been hard. But I am trying to get out of this hole that seems to be surrounding me. My mom would want me to be happy, she would want me to go forward and not dwell. In the end, whether they are able to handle the information I give them or not, this is happening.

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