About a girl

I didn’t tell her. “R”, our daughter, she still doesn’t know about me. I wanted to tell her, I still want to tell her. But my wife and I had a row over the weekend about it. This weekend was also our 1st wedding anniversary. I didn’t want us angry during this time, so I ended it by conceding to my wife’s wishes. I feel sick that I didn’t tell her. I am a completist and to have this hanging out there, unsaid and ignored, is against my nature. I love my wife, even if she hurts my feelings, I know it’s not intentional. She doesn’t understand what it means to have something like this hidden within you, an entire lifetime of not being yourself.

 

I am going to reveal myself to R, she deserves to know, even if I lose that special father/daughter thing we have. I don’t want it attached to a lie, even if the deception is there to protect her and my feelings. Once she knows, she can deal with it. I believe in the love we have, that she will be alright, that she will still love me through this. I think that my wife underestimates R’s strength of character, or perhaps she is trying to avoid change, I don’t know. Change is going to happen, I can’t keep doing this. I waited far too long, that is my fault. I am to blame for not doing something about it when I was much younger. She could have met me and decided on a relationship, or not, when I was transitioned, then she wouldn’t have this problem. We would either be together or not but it wouldn’t be about my changing before her eyes. Again, this is my fault, I own that.

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