Change is Coming

My son is going for his first testosterone shot today, I’m so happy for him. I’m glad he was able to start early and avoid so many years of frustration and pain. My wife and daughter are going with him; it’s good he is getting that support. I would be there, but I have to work and truthfully having a crowd around you during that time is probably a little unsettling. I am wondering how it is going to affect him, I haven’t researched getting testosterone, just getting estrogen. It will be a wild time for him; the change is really beginning for him. I can imagine it’s a lot like being born all over again.

I’m inspired by my son, to do what needs to be done for me. I am still hesitant to start, only because of the money issue. I have real trouble spending money on myself and even more spending large amounts on me. I just know I need to do it. I still want to lose enough weight to not have it be an issue when I start the estrogen. I have read that once you start, losing weight becomes a very hard thing to do. I want to lean out as much as possible, this body is a big guy, so that I can be comfortable.

I’ve made an appointment with a therapist, can’t wait to start that, but I am very nervous. I want to work on my issues, but I want to get my letter and start the HRT as soon as possible. I am not getting any younger and it’s just too hard to keep being this way. Perhaps my therapist can help me get over my fears of being out. I have a real fear of being judged negatively, and who I am just invites that kind of thing. Anyway, it’s a good time really. My son is getting things done, with work and education (going to community college) and biologically. I am very proud of him. I want my family to be proud of me, I will settle with me being proud of myself, however.

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