Reasoning and understanding

It took me many years to understand why I became so flustered by pretty women. I was not stunned by their beauty, not all the time though there were times that happened. I was flustered in the same way any girl would when confronted with some one prettier, anyone with marginal self-esteem that is. I felt inadequate and very small. I felt it more since I was in this body, I was so unattractive to myself. It was, of course, always taken as I was shy around women, it wasn’t the case. Even now, I get flustered around pretty girls. My mind whirls around with a combination of envy and melancholy. I don’t feel that way about my wife, she is wonderful and beautiful and still wants to be with me. So she is the exception. Just feeling like a bit of honesty today. 

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