Bummed

I hate being depressed. I keep thinking to myself, “get over it, walk it off”. But that never works. I’m an introvert, prone to introspection. Which is bad. I look back and get depressed that I didn’t do things differently, or be a better person, or be the gender I should be. So I spend a lot of time compartmentalizing my thoughts and feelings. It holds for a while and then the levee breaks. I hate this body, I hope there is a soul so when I die I can leave this thing and be consciously free of it. I know it sounds shallow, but I just want to be pretty, I want to be loved, as me the real me not the man flesh I’m standing in now. It’s amazing, not in a good way, how something as small as a chromosome has managed to bung up my entire life. Sorry now I’m just ranting.

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